The Work of the Woke and the Anti-Woke

On the inevitable ceasefires to the endless culture wars and the sunsetting of this year's moral panics

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.”

Major --- de Coverley walks into the mess hall, ignores the loyalty oaths, and asks for food. That's how these things end. The fierce old man with the eye patch doesn't care about Captain Black's crusade or its elaborate rules. He wants his meal. The other officers watch in silence as he sweeps aside the papers. No speeches about freedom. No declarations about the constitution. Just "Gimme eat."

The doughty culture warriors of 2024 probably don't know they're Captain Black. They push their own loyalty oaths — pronouns in or out of bios, trigger warnings before speeches, manifestos about race and IQ, statements in favor of this or that crackpot ideology. Or they rage against these things with equal fervor. Even if they squint, the crusaders won’t see themselves in Catch-22 author Joseph Heller's mirror. They think they're the heroes, the ones taking bold stands and making bold posts, protecting America from whatever juicy threat looms largest in their fever dreams.

But Major --- de Coverley always shows up eventually. Sometimes he wears a different face. In 2021, it was Joe Biden, old and confused-looking, telling everyone to calm down and at times even seeming uncertain about what the problems actually were. Sometimes it's exhaustion, or boredom, or the next crisis pushing the current one aside. The tide goes out the same way every time.